Buy the iPhone 5?

Ok, this is one i’ve laughing about for a while. 

Now everybody knows that there are those times when you really do need a new phone. Your old phone cant even dial out, the screen is cracked, you can hear … whatever.

What I do not understand are the folks who have literally perfect mint condition phones of the latest generation prior to the release of the iPhone and still want to make the switch even thought they are still under contract with their last perfect talk machine. That upgrade costs 600 smackers and your phone is just as good! Not to mention, these are the crazies who will literally starve themselves to camp out in front of a best buy or apple store for days in advance.

There are studies that show you tech addicts are crazy. I’ll post more about this later. 

Stop flashing my face

So we all know that a good portion of the world has never taken a photography class. However, these days I would say the majority of folks have a phone in their possesion that might take half decent photos and has a flash.

Have you ever been to a concert or heck, this even happens at Monster Trucks, where EVERYBODY’S flash goes off to capture some epic moment? Why are you people doing this? It hurts my eyes when you flash in my face and I feel sad that you don’t realize it doesnt make the picture better.

Please, stop flashing your innocent neighbors and follow these phone photography tips to get a better picture all the time :)

1. The number one rule when taking random photos of friends (Men cant seem to understand this one) Take the photo at a downward angle. This makes girls look skinny and love you. I don’t care if you have to hold the camera around the height of your forehead, the bodies being photographed will thank you later. Don’t try and do something inventive by taking a photo from below. You aren’t – and now you will be punched by the person you gave a second neck.

2. At a concert, your flash wont do you any favors unless you are right in front of the stage. If you aren’t, I hope you like the light you just cast on the mullet in front of you because thats all that is going to show up in the picture. Flash – off.  If you phone or camera has anyway to adjust the shutter speed, you can leave it open longer to get more light in the photo, but chances are you’ll get blurry bright pics back.

3. Focus is on the phone for a reason. Use it! You can hold down on the phone around the area you want to focus on and even lock that in place. Most phones auto focus already. However, it might focus on something closer to you which will make the actual subject you wanted to photograph blurry.

4. If you are having a really hard time getting a good shot at a concert because of the motion, no worries! Take a video and screen shot your fav moments for pictures later. I love to video crowdsurfing and then picking out the best moments later.

5. Filter – If you havent heard of the thousands of phone photo filtering tools out there – you might need to talk to people more. No, seriously, filters can do wonder (and also terrible) things to photos. If the photo is too dark, an app like Instagram is going to give you tons of options to bring some light into the picture. Hipstamatic and Camwow are all app options with different filters as well.

Loaded Lunches – Eating up with the Joneses

Let’s talk lunch. Oh no, not just your average lunch. I’m getting ritzy on your…

So, there is a new lunch bag out on the market. No, we aren’t just talking the latest Spiderman or My Little Pony. This isn’t even a Star Wars hologram Yoda or Ninja Turtle box. This is serious business.

Details – Don’t worry, this is 2012 so it’s definitely eco-friendly and reusable. It comes it a flattering earthy tone to compliment all wardrobe choices. Its flexible and easy to carry. Can’t wait any longer? Dying to get a look?

Wait for it…

BAM!

Oh. That’s just a paper lunch bag you say. Um, WRONG. That is THE brown bag. Can’t live without it? Thought you couldn’t… don’t worry, it’s hard for me to resist too. So let’s get one! This brand name Jil Sanders lunch bag retails for a super cheap $290.00

What

You think that’s all? No, we can’t stop there. If we have the most expensive lunch box (sadly it’s actually not even the most expensive) you have to show your friends how much money you have by filling it with overpriced food!

I think I’ll start here – http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1361666/Del-Monte-packaging-Bananas-second-skin.html

This is BANANAS. No, it really is… it’s a bunch of bananas. Except something is different about these bananas, they are in wrappers. Thank God somebody found a wrapper for my bananas! Now I’ll know my fruit is safe from germs, and that is certainly worth paying whatever you want me to.

Still not feeling full? Check out this $197.00 club sandwich http://most-expensive.net/sandwich-world

What is the most expensive thing you’ve eaten?

Presido or Presidon’t

So, lets just get this out there. Why would any sane person really… really truly actually want to be the President of the United States.

As you know, its election season. All of the ads are out in full force, and you are basically smacked in the face with some political opinion every two posts on facebook.

There is one thing we can say is true, both of these men (Romney and Obama) have some serious cojones.

Lets take a look at the Pros and Cons here…

PROS OF BEING THE BIG MAN:

  • power/decision making
  • wealth
  • the idea that you will turn the US to the best times we’ve ever known.
  • the slight chance that you will do something impactful that will help at least one group of people that will love you forever.
  • hip fashionable body guards
  • you’ll be admired for any “normal person” thing you do, like own a home brew, play a sax, have a cat with a cute name etc.
  • you get your own plane(s)/trains and automobiles.
  • Even people that hate you want to at least meet you.
  • You know all the good secrets… and you know where Michael Jackson, Elvis, Biggie Smalls, and TuPac are, and you know that they are collaborating on a new album.
  • A good portion of the United States loves you

CONS OF BEING THE MAN

  • A good portion of the United States HATES you and blames you for absolutely everything going wrong in the country.
  • You probably won’t live up your expectations listed in your plan and the world will hate you forever.
  • If you ever cheated on your wife – its going to be all over people magazine.
  • People are trying to kill you. No seriously, you are trying to be killed from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. You have to worry about somebody shooting you even if you’re walking into a PetSmart.
  • You can’t even walk your dog without a body guard. You better hope they are friendly
  • Your teeth and hands are sore because you use them so much for smiling and shaking.
  • Everybody wants to tell you their one problem and ask you to fix it because you are the “man with all the power”
  • There is always somebody plotting against you.
  • You will probably look years older after your term due to stress (remember you wanted this)
  • You will be haunted by every move you made wrong while in office  because people will bring it up – f o r e v e r
  • People will probably make a sex webpage with fake naked pictures of your wife.

There you have it. I sure don’t have any desire to fill those shoes, but im happy to vote for who I think is the best idiot to do it.

Why would people give little girls boys haircuts?!

So this one is a bit near and dear to my heart. Observe me…in 4th grade:

dumbhair

WHY? Why would my mother have done this to me?

Let me spell it out for you parents that dont seem to understand just yet… Little girls have to develop distinguishing features to stop looking like boys. Giving them some ridiculous haircut to go along with quite possibly the dumbest outfit you could have pulled out of a costume rack, isn’t exactly trendy. You are setting your children up to be mocked for the rest of your lives.

Oh I get it, youre thinking… ” well that must have been Halloween or something”

No.

Exhibit B:

Thanks a lot mom.

Check into a bathroom on Foursquare?

So this is something  that I’ve been wanting to write about for a while. I joined Foursquare about a year ago. Why? Well, why not?! I’ve earned great deals from Foursquare! Sometimes you get specials just from checking in at the same place that you pay with a certain card. It’s can be a ridiculously easy way to save some $.

Ok so here is the rant… Why? WHY would people check into a bathroom on Foursquare?! It isn’t just bathrooms though, its all kinds of crazy places that nobody really wants to know you were at! Here is my list of top 10 places you should stop checking into on Foursquare (and i’ve seen all of my friends do these!)

  1. The Bathroom – not something I ever cared to know
  2. Your Apartment – Well at least we have your address…
  3. The gas station – sure, maybe thats more interesting than your apartment.
  4. The intersection between Cool Road and Not Cool Road  – getting worse.
  5. Traffic at the intersection between these two roads – stop. Dial 511
  6. A TSA security check point – this one goes out to my frequent travel buddies. Put your freaking phone away! This is the ONLY place in the whole airport you need to.
  7. Golden Corral – you just lost 5 street cred. points more than I ever had.
  8. The Northpole – ok, I dont actually know anybody that has checked in here, but really? you can? thats odd enough.
  9. An adult movie store – Friends don’t need to know this buddy
  10. SPACE – w.t.f. – and you can earn a badge there too. Fantastic! Beam me up Scotty.

There you have it.

Microwave fish in the office?

Why would people bring fish for lunch at work?

This is one I just cant understand. I don’t care if you are my best friend or my least favorite coworker… microwaving fish in the office (especially a small office) is simply not ok. 

Its starts off so innocent. Friendly chit chat by the water cooler. You’ll know how to target the person while they wobble about for a bit, but they let everybody else go first before they put their meal in. Then somebody will say “hey girl, what did you bring for lunch?!” and the response will be something like, “ohh you know, just trying to eat a little more healthy”

Just when you sit down at your desk to enjoy your delicious chicken nuggets/turkey wrap/salad/something else delicious, it starts…..

it creeps….

You close your door to the your room trying to escape…. but ever so slowly in slithers into your office and up the side of your desk into your nostrils until …. BOOM!!!! All you smell is fish.

I dont care if you are sitting down to indulge in a delicious PB&J and cheetos. FISH SMELL RUINS EVERYTHING.

Stay tuned for “Are fishy/shrimpy lean cuisines ok for the office?” – Not.